Greg found this little gem when cleaning out some boxes in the basement today. This is me circa 1995 in either 6th or 7th grade.
To me, the pic embodies my identity during childhood and adolescence as the ultimate perfectionist and overachiever. I can guarantee that not one (of the hundred) papers proudly displayed on that refrigerator received anything less than a 97%. At the time, I loved it. It's what I lived for. You can even see the visible pride in my face -- and cheesy pose.
Into high school, college, grad school, and beyond, I perfected my "achiever" identity and worked my a** off in the process. I loved challenges and then working hard to achieve them, especially And when there were no more summa cum laude distinctions or other awards to be won, I turned more to physical challenges -- running. Marathons became my new addiction, and I ended up running 24 of them in a 4 year span. I kept setting personal records, placed a few times in my age group, broke my sub 4 hour goal, and barely missed a Boston qualifying time. I even conquered the ultimate challenge of becoming an official finisher of the JFK 50 Mile race in 2009, my first ultra.
Yes, clearly, my past self was addicted to achieving. Whenever I accomplished a goal in one arena, a new challenge was never far behind. Whenever I thought something was impossible to do, I worked to get it done regardless, regardless of the physical or mental toll it took on me.
I look back at all of this now and cannot help but be perplexed. Who WAS this crazy -- and a bit manic -- overachiever? Who was she trying to please or impress? Why was she SO hard on herself to the point where several instances of anxiety and clinical depression resulted? And ultimately, was it all worth it?!!
As I always like to think, no regrets, just lessons learned. While I feel like I have grown, matured, and mellowed out tremendously since Will's birth, I know I cannot deny who I fundamentally am -- and always will be (to an extent) -- an achiever. Now, I am a recovering Type A overachieving perfectionist who cares a heck of a lot more about living a healthy, balanced life in moderation where I can devote appropriate time to what matters most to me: my family, friends, health, personal well-being, faith, fitness, and getting to do what I love every day -- teach. I know more than ever that it's not plausible or healthy to burn the candle on both ends, try to be "the best" at everything, or please everyone. That's a fast path to insanity ... and probably a nervous breakdown.
I am learning. I am a work in progress. And that's OK. I am slowly accepting imperfection, the ability and right to say "no," and the wisdom to know how to maintain inner and physical balance in my life. Every day is a tiny new fresh start and an opportunity to have your words and actions reflect what you truly value.
If I could go back in time 20 years, I would pass a bit of wisdom on to the little overachiever by her A+'s on the fridge. "Chill. Take a deep breath. Stop working so hard, and smell the roses once in a while. Trust me; you'll be glad you did."
#noregrets #lessonslearned #liveyourbestlife 
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