Recently, I've been wondering -- who am I achieving FOR? Myself? My family? My health? My career? Or, is it just to please others?
All too often, throughout my life, I have tried to please everyone and be everyone's friend. This is particularly dangerous for me as a Staff Development Teacher at my Title 1 middle school, where everyone needs you for something and there simply are not enough hours in the day to get everything done. Combine that with motherhood, being a dedicated wife, and numerous other outside commitments, and it's easy for me to put myself last. Sound familiar?
But I know myself all too well at this point. I am a "joiner" and tend to overcommit myself. I overextend myself to the point of physical and mental exhaustion. Many people do not know that I have suffered with major anxiety and clinical depression throughout my life. My worst times have been when I have not taken control of my health and allowed things to spiral out of control until I completely hit rock bottom -- and could be of no use to anyone, let alone myself.
I feel myself getting into that funk again. I feel myself saying "yes" to the wrong things and starting to agree to take on responsibilities that are not aligned to my true priorities -- my health, my family, and my mental and physical well-being. Tonight, I made a decision to say NO. I made a decision to let go of an extra cohort and set of courses this year that I know I would have loved but ultimately do NOT have the time, space, or mental or physical capacity for right now. Since my second top strength is being a LEARNER, this was difficult for me, but I did it. I chose to say YES to my family, YES to more time with them, and NO to something I would like to do but ultimately cannot afford to take on at this time.
My body is telling me something needs to change. I have lost more weight than I should have over the last month (without actively trying to do so), feel sluggish, am not my usual happy myself, and know that I am at a crossroads. I can choose the path I think I SHOULD go down, or I can choose to take the road less traveled.
Yes, I can be a juggler, but even the BEST "Mommy" jugglers will see all of their balls fall quickly to the ground if they take on too heavy of a load or try to balance too many things at once. Warrior women know when it's time to say no and when it's time to say -- enough is enough. I choose me. I choose my family. I choose living my best life, even if that looks a bit different than what I envisioned it to be yesterday. I'm OK, and that's OK. I'm doing the best I can.
#choosejoy #chooseyou #youmatter #alignyourlifewithyourpriorities
Of course, the English teacher in me has to give some "air time" to one of my all-time favorite poems...
The Road Not Taken
By Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-----
Keep your heads up, Warrior Women. And go ahead, choose YOUR best path.
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